twice the smartass, half the laughs
I Don't Have To Waste A Whole Day
Post Date: 11/03/2006

...Just about three hours and fifteen minutes. What up peeps? My boss left town today and I just finished a big project. So, while I have very much to do, (i.e. all the things I was working on before this big project was thrust upon me (Big project thrust upon me? Mmmmmm, that sounds so dirty.)) I just don't feel like starting anything today. Well, I guess it wouldn't really be starting anything, as I had started these things before I was, you know, thrust upon. But, I just don't... sorry, I just took a moment to shimmy in my chair. Try it. I think you'll find it delightfully addictive. Here I'm gonna do it again. Ah, yeah... that's the stuff. (I actually just typed that sentence while shimmying. Yes, my talent knows no bounds.) So, where was I. Oh right, I don't feel like doing anything today. So, I thought to myself "Self. what will you do to fill the rest of your day, if you don't do the work that you so desperately need to take care of?" Well me, that's a good question. I could read a bunch of online articles about football, but I kinda spent my morning doing that. I could look up different things of interest on Wikipedia, but I've spent the last two days doing that. I could modify my ESPN Fantasy team lineup, because most of my starters are on bye weeks. (Well, actually, that's a pretty good one. Maybe after this.) But that would only take a couple of minutes. (Kinda like me in the sack. Ha ha. I'm kidding. I could never last a whole couple of minutes.) I could wander around the building and disrupt other people's ability to be productive. But I spent some time with that right before lunch. (Wow, you know, after reading that back, it's really amazing that I get any work done at all.) No, I decide the best way to fill the rest of my day (without actually working) would be to write another in my endless line of long, pointless, boring blogs. This really offers the best opportunity for wasting half a day for a number of reasons, which I shall now go into long and pointless detail of. Oh, I also plan to eat my weight in peanut M & M's while I write this. Though that begs the question, could I really eat my own weight in M & M's. More on that later.

The first and foremost reason (and perhaps the only reason) that I feel that writing this blog provides the best opportunity to waste the rest of my day is because I am such an abysmal typist. I am not only very slow, but I am also incredibly sloppy. The sloppiness really contributes to how long it takes me to write anything, because I am constantly having to back track to correct what I have written. (Okay, I just went wandering around for a minute and stopped to talk to my work chum Ethan Allen (not that one) about some very important fantasy football stuff, and upon my return I discovered that the firewall that had previously been blocking MySpace is now, once again, fully functional. What does this mean to you the reader? Well, for those of you clever enough to read this on my real site, all it really means is that you have to suffer through this rather pointless aside. Though that's nothing new is it? Is it? For those of you who only read my blog on MySpace however, it means I won't be able to post this blog until sometime tonight, if I get to it at all. So, you have to go a little longer without your junk. It's tearing you apart, I can tell. Well, if you 'd like to write to my IT manager to formally protest, feel free. I think "TEAR DOWN THE WALL!!" might be a clever subject line. Now, what was I writing about? Oh, right.) It takes me forever to write these things. Anything really. If you've ever received an email from me, chances are, I spent way too long working on it, considering the result was probably pretty lame. Likely, I wrote something... then reconsidered it... deleted it... wrote something else... didn't think it was as funny as it was in my head...rewrote the other thing... decided to move on... wrote something else... felt like I spelled something wrong... opened up Word (or went to dictionary.com) to check the spelling... copied the corrected spelling and pasted into my email... then tried to remember what I was writing about. Get the idea? Actually, emails take me longer to write than blogs, because with blogs, I just copy and paste the whole thing into word to check the spelling. "Why don't I just write it in Word?" you may ask. "Why don't you kindly go screw yourself." might be my response. In fact, there are often formatting and punctuation issues that arise when copying content from a Word document into a web format. So there. Anyway, as an example of how long it takes me to write stuff, I started this at 1:45 pm, and it is now 4:00 pm. Looks like I'll make it after all.

Well, I guess I'll spend the last hour working on my fantasy team line up and reading online articles. I hope y'all have a great weekend. If the weather this weekend is like it is today, then I'm sure we will. Shelley wants to dress Gator up and take some nice pictures out at the park. Also, there's football... and beer...and beer too. So, have a good one. Coming up, perhaps I'll write a whole blog and not stop to retype anything or check any spelling. Yes, the almost entirely incoherent blog. How could it not be a hit? Later. Oh, wait, before I go... Could I eat my own weight in M & M's? Absolutely.

Until next time: Hello, yes it's me. I heard you on the air. You spoke of foreign waters, and how you used to care. Now I'm not trying to hold you...to words of way back when. But know now is not so very far from then.